I’m not really a quote person. (This is a significantly different statement than: I’m not really a (quote) “person.”) Not only do they tend to be cheesy and terrible falsehoods, but they are rarely attributed to the correct person. That being said, whether Theodore Roosevelt made the above statement or not, I find this small, six-word sentence to pack quite a truthful punch. What I’ve learned about comparison is that no one wins. Not you. Not the person you’re comparing yourself to. No one. It’s just a big web of joy-stealing, bitterness-building, ugly, discontented jealousy. And yet how easily do we fall into comparing ourselves to others? Our talents, our personalities, our appearance, our financial situation, our happiness, our relationships, our spirituality… really, anything is up for grabs. The tricky thing about comparison is that it can seem so small. It’s those thoughts that no one else needs to know about: Of your neighbor with three young children whose house always seems so spotless when you don’t have any kids and your house looks like a tornado disaster area. Or of that girl who you know is crazy and yet still found a boyfriend while you’re still single. Or of that person in your Bible study who talks about how richly God has blessed them when you’re struggling to make ends meet. The act of comparing yourself to another only seems to last a short moment, but the attitude of discontentment and bitter jealousy that it creates is extremely destructive, and truly steals our joy.
So, how do we quit comparison? I have to admit that the only expertise I have on the subject is as a comparison-addict myself. However, as I’ve come to recognize my own inclination towards the joy-thief, I’ve found three things to be vital in overcoming what is, in my flesh, so natural:
1: Be thankful. This is probably the most obvious combatant of comparison. Comparison takes our focus away from the blessings we have and instead consumes our minds with the question, “Why don’t I have more/better/different?” Instead of grumbling about how awesome so-and-so’s life is compared to your own, recount and rejoice in the many different blessings you have been given. So you don’t make as much money. Be thankful for the opportunity you have to be a witness where you work. So you’re not in a relationship. Rejoice in the freedom you have to use your time and money the way you want to. Creating an attitude of gratefulness instead of bitterness begins with being intentional in recognizing blessings and giving thanks for them.
2: Consider the source of your blessings. Not only does comparison draw our focus to what we don’t have, it also takes our attention away from the One from whom all blessings flow. Greater than all the “stuff” we could be blessed with is the joy of knowing God intimately. That is why, even in trial and pain, David could sing, “My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands. You satisfy me as with rich food; my mouth will praise You with joyful lips.” (Psalm 63). We should absolutely be grateful for the blessings we have been given. But we should also keep in perspective what is temporal, destroyed by moth and rust, and what is eternal, never to be destroyed, and chase after those things.
3: Catch it before it begins. James compares the great disaster that can come from us not taming our tongues to an extensive forest fire which is started by a single spark. The same comparison can be made for not keeping our attitudes of comparison in check. So we need to learn to stomp out the sparks before they become wild flames. Learn to identify those moments when comparison’s sneaky little bum creeps up on you. And when you recognize the booger, kick him out! Sometimes I mentally have to tell myself, “No, you will not do this. This is not beneficial. It is destructive.” Learning to catch it before it becomes a habit can save a lot of drama and heartache in the future. But it takes energy and it takes being proactive. And it will require pointing your attention toward something else (see numbers 1 and 2).
It’s not an exhaustive list, and it’s not a cure, but as I’ve wrestled with comparison and jealously, I’ve certainly found the above things useful weapons. Ultimately, I think the true antidote is seeking satisfaction in the Lord. Because we were vile, wicked beings deserving of nothing more than death and separation from God. Nevertheless, He graciously covers us in His righteousness so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. When we are consumed by this message there is no more room for jealousy left in our hearts. Oh, how I long for that glorious day!
Life as Liz 